Sunday, December 30, 2012
In case I lost more weight.
In case I couldn't maintain.
In case I won the lottery and could buy anything and everything I wanted instead of what I could afford.
None of these came about and I have shrunk out of everything I own so the purchase was necessary. Even as I write that or see these pictures I don't believe it.
Not in the way that I can't believe that I have done this or look at me, but more in while my body is smaller - my mind refuses to see it or acknowledge it. It's scary.
So yesterday I shared these strange thoughts with Hubby and asked him to take a couple of shots of me before we did our 5 mile run. While I did throw on a tiny bit of make-up, which I don't usually do for running, but I didn't do any preparation. I didn't think about how I was standing, suck it in or ask to look at the shots so that I could pose in a way that didn't make me look bigger.
You know why? I needed to see this. I needed to see that I look different. I needed my mind to recognize the work that I have put in. I don't look like the weight loss girls on pinterest, and that's OK.
In hopes of making it clear to myself the difference 31 pounds makes, I went through and looked the past couple of years photos and put them right next to these. I can see the difference but sitting here feeling my body from the inside - I just can't seem to make the connection. I catch myself being mean to me. I catch myself making fun of me in my head and out loud.
In all honestly there are glimmers of hope. After this photo was taken I ran my 5 miles all the while thinking about how awesome it is that my body is capable of it. That my mind is strong enough not to give up. But these thoughts are not thoughts that I have every day.
So starting today...I am going to be nicer to me. I am going to let myself off the hook if I want to eat a cookie or three. I am going to realize that I am in my target weight range for my height. I am going to recognize that I am only 15 pounds away from my fantasy goal weight. I am going to recognize that I look good at this weight. I am going to recognize that running and portion control are doable. They are a lifestyle that I am choosing and the benefit is a smaller me.
The secret that made running a mile to ten miles possible:
If you can't breathe while running you are going to fast.
That's the secret to being able to do a mile.
Want to know the secret to doing more than a mile?
Run more. If you can do one mile for a week. The next week try two, then the next week three.
It's easy...well in theory.
You are going to want to give up, don't.
You are going to want to listen to that voice in your head saying your legs hurt, you can't breathe or you are not a runner.
You legs don't hurt as much as not liking what you see in the mirror each and every time you are faced with one. You can breathe if you slow down and if you want to be a runner, be one. Get out on a regular basis and take the time to practice running.